"Life began when I saw your face."
"I hear your laugh like a serenade."
"As you wander through this troubled world, in search of all things beautiful..."
"You can close your eyes when you're miles away, and hear my voice like a serenade."
"I find a refuge in the easy silence that you make for me..."
"And the peaceful quiet you create for me..."
"And the way you keep the world at bay for me."
He played on his new slide ALL DAY long. When he wasn't playing on it, he was napping, eating, or whining to play on it. I have NEVER seen anything keep his attention for so long. Score one for mom!
On the way home from work today, Danyel stopped to buy stuff to make dinner. He found some recipes he wanted to try in one of our cookbooks that he had taken to work to show his assistant. Astonishingly, he didn't ask me to cook... he wanted to do it himself. I was a little worried at first being that 80% of his cooking attempts turn out very, very bad, but I was relieved that we weren't going to have to eat leftovers again... unless of course his meal was not edible, which was a very good possibility.
It was so wonderful, for once, between the hours of 4:30 and 6pm to just hang out with Carsten in the backyard as he went up and down his new slide gleefully over and over. Usually, I am cooking and feverishly trying to get dinner on the table before Carsten realizes he is starving and loses his sanity. I played with Carsten, put together his new tricycle, and drank a glass of wine. It was such a relaxing evening.
Danyel's dinner was not only edible, but quite good. He was very proud of himself as was I. I really appreciated his efforts and the fact that I got a night off. An added bonus for me was that when he has to do the cooking himself every once in a while, it serves as a good reminder for him how hard I work to put together meals for us all the time.
The bad part was I had to do the dishes since he cooked (house rules). OMG... I don't think there could have been a bigger mess! It looked as if somebody threw up all over my kitchen.
Oh, btw, he made fish and potato fritters with fava beans and bacon. Pretty fancy, huh?
Thanks Pookie!
So, recently Carsten has entered the terrible two's. It's official.
Danyel and I are losing our sanity. It's official.
Hitting. Screaming. Crying. Kicking. Screeching. Whining. Defying. Throwing. These are all occurring on a regular basis around here.
Today I took Carsten to Toys R Us to buy him a slide. He hasn't got a new "thing" in quite a while, so I decided to splurge (even though all he deserves is a swift kick in the ass). He screamed to get out of the cart and play with all the toys the ENTIRE time we were in the store. A few times I let him out to "try out" a few things to see if he liked them. So very stupid. Trying to get him back in the cart was almost impossible. He was kicking, screaming, and stiffening his body to keep me from sitting him down in the cart seat. I was so very embarrassed. I finally gave up, checked out, and got the hell out of there.
He continued screaming and crying all the way home because I wouldn't turn the DVD player on for him. The only thing that would briefly stop the madness was me screaming at the top of my lungs in the firmest voice I could conjure up, "NO! Stop that right now!". What I really wanted to say was, "Shut the hell up you beep-beep-beep. One more word out of you and I will throw your ungrateful ass right out the window!" But, I restrained myself... this time.
The other day at the doctor's office he threw a huge temper tantrum the ENTIRE time we were in the waiting area because I wouldn't let him play with the front door. I should have just let him play with it and get smacked in the face when the next person came in. That would have shut him up in no time.
Yesterday Danyel and I went to the dentist to get our teeth cleaned. I went first and towards the end of my cleaning I heard Carsten out in the waiting room pitching a full on temper tantrum... for like 10 minutes straight. I kept thinking, "Why doesn't Danyel stop him?!" I quickly snapped back into reality and remembered that it can not be stopped. You have to wait until the devil decides to exit his body.
I have been reading all my parenting books for tips to deal with this phase. Some tips are helpful... be consistent - don't give in to what ever they want or they will forever be lost to Satan, ignore the temper tantrums and they will learn that they don't get attention while throwing them, etc. I never (o.k., almost never) give in and try my hardest to ignore the temper tantrums, but when Carsten is purposely defying me or when he loses it in public, I have to do something.
Lately, when I tell him no, he looks right at me and does whatever it is I am telling him not to do over and over and over again... waiting for a reaction from me. In the past, he has always been very good at listening to us when we tell him no, so this is new territory. He is now testing us and if we don't figure out the right answer soon, we are going to fail and risk "ruining" our child.
The "Experts" say to get eye level and explain to him why he can not do what it is that he is doing and that it is unacceptable behavior. That's it. Problem solved. And if they don't stop, then what? My opinion: Trying to rationalize with an irrational 19 month old is insane. I don't want to be one of those mothers you see in the grocery store softly telling their toddler to "Please not yell in the store because it is not polite" as the child screams bloody murder. These are the kids that WALK ALL OVER THEIR PARENTS FOREVER.
The "Experts" also say to use distraction to divert their attention. This works very well for a baby, but not for a 1 1/2 year old. Carsten gets focused on whatever has sparked his interest and will. not. let. it. go. ever.
That's it. That's all the "Experts" got. I wonder if these people have even ever raised a toddler?
BTW, the "experts" also say - no spanking & no raising your voice/shouting. These discipline techniques can lead to low self esteem, anger issues, and even suicide. In that case, I might as well already give up... the damage is done and Carsten's fate is sealed.
If you ask me, these "experts" are the reason why mom's have so little confidence these days. These "experts" are the reason why so many of us have forgotten to just go with our gut and trust it. These "experts" hold us to such unattainable standards that we can do nothing but fail. These "experts" and their useless advice is why kids have no respect for their parents these days.
Anyways, against all the "expert" advice, I have tried spanking Carsten's butt/hand and it is pointless... he either doesn't even notice or he just cries harder and gets more mad and defiant. But, I do believe that spanking has it's place - just not on an irrational and emotional toddler. Raising my voice and deepening it sometimes gets results, but they are usually short lived.
So, I am now moving on to the Supernanny approach. If she can get those awful children on T.V. to behave, then certainly I can tame my tike with her techniques. I have put Carsten's old pack n play downstairs in the corner of the dining room and I have named it his "naughty box". So, when he defies me, he gets a warning and if he does it again he goes straight to the "naughty box". There, I tell him he has to remain there for 2 minutes and remind him why he is being put in there. Of course, all he hears is blah, blah, blah if anything at all being that he is usually screaming at the top of his lungs. But, whatever. This is is the best I've got. I am just hoping that he doesn't start climbing out of the pack n play or I am so screwed. So far it seems to be working o.k. We'll see how it goes in coming weeks.
I did notice, though, that if he has a good energy outlet during the day a lot of the bad behavior is curbed. Being that it is a million degrees outside right now, we don't get out much except for errand running. So, it has been rough in recent weeks. I am working on finding stuff for us to do during the day while it is still so hot outside where he can expel some of his energy. Hopefully, it will cool off within the next month or so, so we can return to our outings to the zoo, park, etc.
Anyways, wish me luck and feel free to offer any suggestions... either on how to effectively discipline my possessed toddler, or on how to effectively keep my sanity.
Last week we went to Destin for a few days. We've decided to make Destin our annual family vacation. It's amazing that we've decided this considering our two experiences there.
Last year, Carsten was 9 months old, teething something fierce, dealing with a cold, and sleeping awful.
This year, Carsten came down with a fever and throat infection and couldn't go to the beach and be in the hot sun, so we spent most of our time in the condo. Luckily, my parents were along for the circus and they helped out a lot so that we could get some time on the beach. I would post some pics from this years trip, but there are none... literally.
So, either we are extremely clueless or just optimistic that it has to get better, right? What is the alternative? Don't travel? This really is not an option for us. Traveling is Danyel and I's most favorite thing to do in the world. Without it, we would shrivel up and die.
However, with Carsten in tow, we know our limitations and try to stick to the beach trips. They are the most manageable of our options. There are some trips that are out of the question right now... traveling to dramatically different time zones, going places that require a lot of sight seeing, and long plane flights. But, even with the beach vacation being our best bet, we have learned very quickly that the lazy day at the beach as we know it is gone. I remember the days when we could go to the beach and just kick back, relax, and take in the fresh air (as well as numerous alcoholic beverages). We didn't know how good we had it back then. With Carsten, a day at the beach is less relaxing than having a colonoscopy. Just getting ready to go to the beach takes more time than we actually spend on the beach. Putting all our swimsuits on, slathering ourselves in sunscreen, packing all Carsten's beach toys, packing his milk and snacks, etc. It's a never ending event. Then, once we get to the beach, there is no sitting down to relax. Carsten NEVER sits still, so neither do we. We follow him up and down the beach, in and out of the surf, playing in the sand, back to the beach, up and down the stairs on the boardwalk... it never ends. Danyel and I try to take turns hanging out with the energizer bunny so that the other one can relax at least for a little bit. Most important is Carsten's mood. If it is foul, so is our experience and we have to call it a day. Then there is cleaning up afterwards. OMG, the sand! Carsten gets it in every crevice of his body and it is impossible to get it all off of him.
Danyel and I agreed that when taking Carsten along, we don't go on "vacation", we "get-away". To vacation means to relax and recharge. To get-away means just that... to get-away. As long as we accomplish that, along with some fun, create a few good memories, and spend some quality time together, then the trip is deemed a success. What more could you ask for?
Don't answer that.
This picture just blows me away!
Number 1: Could Carsten look anymore like Justin in this picture?? Wow...
Number 2: It looks as if Carsten went from a 19 month old to a 5 year old with just a flash of the camera... Scary.
