Experts my ass!

So, recently Carsten has entered the terrible two's. It's official.

Danyel and I are losing our sanity. It's official.

Hitting. Screaming. Crying. Kicking. Screeching. Whining. Defying. Throwing. These are all occurring on a regular basis around here.

Today I took Carsten to Toys R Us to buy him a slide. He hasn't got a new "thing" in quite a while, so I decided to splurge (even though all he deserves is a swift kick in the ass). He screamed to get out of the cart and play with all the toys the ENTIRE time we were in the store. A few times I let him out to "try out" a few things to see if he liked them. So very stupid. Trying to get him back in the cart was almost impossible. He was kicking, screaming, and stiffening his body to keep me from sitting him down in the cart seat. I was so very embarrassed. I finally gave up, checked out, and got the hell out of there.

He continued screaming and crying all the way home because I wouldn't turn the DVD player on for him. The only thing that would briefly stop the madness was me screaming at the top of my lungs in the firmest voice I could conjure up, "NO! Stop that right now!". What I really wanted to say was, "Shut the hell up you beep-beep-beep. One more word out of you and I will throw your ungrateful ass right out the window!" But, I restrained myself... this time.

The other day at the doctor's office he threw a huge temper tantrum the ENTIRE time we were in the waiting area because I wouldn't let him play with the front door. I should have just let him play with it and get smacked in the face when the next person came in. That would have shut him up in no time.

Yesterday Danyel and I went to the dentist to get our teeth cleaned. I went first and towards the end of my cleaning I heard Carsten out in the waiting room pitching a full on temper tantrum... for like 10 minutes straight. I kept thinking, "Why doesn't Danyel stop him?!" I quickly snapped back into reality and remembered that it can not be stopped. You have to wait until the devil decides to exit his body.

I have been reading all my parenting books for tips to deal with this phase. Some tips are helpful... be consistent - don't give in to what ever they want or they will forever be lost to Satan, ignore the temper tantrums and they will learn that they don't get attention while throwing them, etc. I never (o.k., almost never) give in and try my hardest to ignore the temper tantrums, but when Carsten is purposely defying me or when he loses it in public, I have to do something.

Lately, when I tell him no, he looks right at me and does whatever it is I am telling him not to do over and over and over again... waiting for a reaction from me. In the past, he has always been very good at listening to us when we tell him no, so this is new territory. He is now testing us and if we don't figure out the right answer soon, we are going to fail and risk "ruining" our child.

The "Experts" say to get eye level and explain to him why he can not do what it is that he is doing and that it is unacceptable behavior. That's it. Problem solved. And if they don't stop, then what? My opinion: Trying to rationalize with an irrational 19 month old is insane. I don't want to be one of those mothers you see in the grocery store softly telling their toddler to "Please not yell in the store because it is not polite" as the child screams bloody murder. These are the kids that WALK ALL OVER THEIR PARENTS FOREVER.

The "Experts" also say to use distraction to divert their attention. This works very well for a baby, but not for a 1 1/2 year old. Carsten gets focused on whatever has sparked his interest and will. not. let. it. go. ever.

That's it. That's all the "Experts" got. I wonder if these people have even ever raised a toddler?

BTW, the "experts" also say - no spanking & no raising your voice/shouting. These discipline techniques can lead to low self esteem, anger issues, and even suicide. In that case, I might as well already give up... the damage is done and Carsten's fate is sealed.

If you ask me, these "experts" are the reason why mom's have so little confidence these days. These "experts" are the reason why so many of us have forgotten to just go with our gut and trust it. These "experts" hold us to such unattainable standards that we can do nothing but fail. These "experts" and their useless advice is why kids have no respect for their parents these days.

Anyways, against all the "expert" advice, I have tried spanking Carsten's butt/hand and it is pointless... he either doesn't even notice or he just cries harder and gets more mad and defiant. But, I do believe that spanking has it's place - just not on an irrational and emotional toddler. Raising my voice and deepening it sometimes gets results, but they are usually short lived.

So, I am now moving on to the Supernanny approach. If she can get those awful children on T.V. to behave, then certainly I can tame my tike with her techniques. I have put Carsten's old pack n play downstairs in the corner of the dining room and I have named it his "naughty box". So, when he defies me, he gets a warning and if he does it again he goes straight to the "naughty box". There, I tell him he has to remain there for 2 minutes and remind him why he is being put in there. Of course, all he hears is blah, blah, blah if anything at all being that he is usually screaming at the top of his lungs. But, whatever. This is is the best I've got. I am just hoping that he doesn't start climbing out of the pack n play or I am so screwed. So far it seems to be working o.k. We'll see how it goes in coming weeks.

I did notice, though, that if he has a good energy outlet during the day a lot of the bad behavior is curbed. Being that it is a million degrees outside right now, we don't get out much except for errand running. So, it has been rough in recent weeks. I am working on finding stuff for us to do during the day while it is still so hot outside where he can expel some of his energy. Hopefully, it will cool off within the next month or so, so we can return to our outings to the zoo, park, etc.

Anyways, wish me luck and feel free to offer any suggestions... either on how to effectively discipline my possessed toddler, or on how to effectively keep my sanity.