It's been almost 4 months since my last post. Wow. A lifetime of experiences have passed. Most of you know that I have been suffering from severe postpartum depression and anxiety since Aydin's birth. I hate that I have not posted with cute pictures and tales of his first four months in this world because there are plenty to share. The truth is that I have been reluctant to post due to the obvious elephant in the room. The last four months have been the most difficult of my life and I just don't think that I am ready to share my story here. One day, but not today. I am just starting to feel better after switching to my third psychiatrist, who, thank God, specializes in dealing with postpartum mood disorders. I am just starting to feel like myself again. I am just starting to believe that there is a light at the end of this dark and lonely tunnel. I want to tell you about all the medications that I have tried that didn't help. I want to tell you about the ones that are helping. I want to tell you about my lowest points. I want to tell you, but I am not ready to back track. I am working hard to only focus on moving forward at this point.
Aydin has arrived, obviously, and has been a glorious addition to our perfect family. He completes us. He is the sweetest and happiest baby. His face and personality are angelic. We have nicknamed him Buddha because of his rather plump frame and gentle soul. I want to tell you all about him. I want to tell you about my glorious delivery experience. I want to tell you about coming to terms with the fact that I have brought my last child into the world. And I will.
Carsten is adjusting to being a big brother slowly. He has been a challenge in recent months. I am not sure what to credit the behavior to - getting used to sharing our attentions, just being 2, or my illness. Maybe it is a combination of all three. He continues to shock us with his intelligence and entertain us with his beaming personality.
Danyel has been the star player the last few months. Without him, I am convinced that I would be in a psychiatric hospital by now. I want to tell you all about his heroic actions. I want to tell you about how he has saved me. And I will.
I have so much to share. I've got a million things to tell you internet. Maybe I'll start tomorrow.
1 year ago
3 comments:
Yes, I have to agree that Danyel
is a true to life HERO! However,
Cara you are also a hero, you have
been the bravest and strongest
person through all of this. A
weaker woman would have crumbled.
Even on your darkest day, you still
managed to put your children first-
they are lucky little babies to have you and Danyel as parents.
We want pictures posted of your
angel babies!!!!!!! Love, Mom
If Don't Like FEELINGS…..Then Don't Read This! (Andrew says it is syrupy!)
"Women from the south are graceful and gentle like the branches of a magnolia tree, yet strong as steel to withstand tornados, they are like Steel Magnolias."
Bird,
You were overcome with violently rotating winds of self doubt, desperation, and anxiety and never faltered.
You were pelted with knife-like rain drops of fatigue, sad moods, and unhappiness and never halted.
You were tortured with loud, whooshing roars from within telling you you were worthlessness and not enough, causing insomnia and major sleep disturbances, and never succumbed.
YOU stood in the middle of a tornado and survived. YOU are indestructible. YOU are a steel magnolia. I am awestruck by your bravery and courage.
"For there is no friend like a sister, In calm or stormy weather; To cheer one on the tedious way, To fetch one if one goes astray, To lift one if one totters down, To strengthen whilst one stands," Christina Rossetti.
Love, Bird
PS-Danyel is a tornado chaser :) and a HERO!!!
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