The Home Stretch

It's been a while since I last posted, but things have been very busy around here the last couple of months. My nesting instinct was brutal with this pregnancy and nearly killed me (and Danyel, for that matter). Every home improvement project needing to be done in the last few years is now done. I have cleaned and organized every inch of this house. The baby's nursery is done. Carsten's room has been turned into a "big boy" room with queen size bed and all. We've had the house painted, the gutters cleaned, re stained the deck, replaced the patio door, had the carpets cleaned, and wallpapered the downstairs bath. I have stockpiled toilet paper, paper towels, toiletries, food, etc. as if once the baby comes we are not going to be able to leave the house for 2 months. We have enough food frozen to feed us for a month. I have even almost finished my shopping for Father's Day, which is still over a month away. I am so prepared this time around. Call me crazy, but I know the chaos that is about to descend upon this house for the next few months. Last time, I thought I knew. But, you can't REALLY know until you have experienced life with a newborn before.

Now, we just wait. At most, we wait 12 more days. I have scheduled my induction for May 23rd. Being that my body is a safe house for babies, I don't expect to go into labor on my own, so I am banking on the 23rd, which is two days after my due date. As of this Monday, I was still not dilated any and the baby's head was still high. By this point last time with Carsten I was already dilated almost 4 cm, but, I still had to be induced a week after my due date. I have started having some contractions and cramping this week, so hopefully I will have made some progress by my appointment next week. I would like to get a little bit of a head start on dilation before my induction to just make the process of labor and delivery go by that much faster.

I am feeling very miserable lately. My mobility in general has dramatically decreased in the last few weeks. I am very uncomfortable and my patience is gone. Taking care of Carsten during the day has been an almost impossible feat. Wrestling a toddler constantly while carrying a full term baby in your uterus is very challenging. But, we are making due. Danyel has picked up a bunch of slack lately, but during the day while he is at work, I am on my own.

The doctor thinks that the baby will weigh in at about 8 lbs. 10oz. by the time I deliver according to the ultrasound he did on Monday. Carsten was 8 lbs. 4 oz., so this didn't surprise me or alarm me. But, make no mistake, I am very fearful of giving birth again. Just thinking about it brings tears to my eyes. My 2 1/2 hours of pushing with Carsten with an epidural that had run dry scarred me for life. I can't remember the pain in detail, or anything for that matter, but I do remember almost feeling outside of my body because the pain was so intense that I could not bear it. I am hoping to have a much quicker delivery this time around with NO pain. I plan on having a serious talk with the doctor on Monday to make sure that he understands that I want to be so numb that I FEEL NOTHING. Period.

Aside from the birth, I am really nervous about bringing home a newborn again. The first few months with Carsten were bittersweet for us being that he cried all the time. He was a very difficult baby and I am scared to death that this baby will be the same or worse. I remember so many days that Danyel would come home from work and Carsten and I would just be sitting on the couch crying together. I am hoping that with experience under my belt, I will be able to withstand the experience much better this time around.

On a positive note, I am getting really anxious about meeting this baby and finding out if it is a boy or girl. Everywhere I go, people tell me that I am having a girl, but most family and friends think we are going to have another boy. As I get closer to finding out, I find that I am probably hoping for a girl more than I thought I was - if only because I am not sure (now that I have almost completed a second pregnancy) if I will have the energy to do this all over again. If we have a girl, we are pretty certain that this will be the last addition to our family. If we have a boy, we have talked about trying again for a girl.

My most favorite thing about this pregnancy has been my lack of weight gain. As of today, I have only gained 18 lbs. With Carsten, I was already inching up on 30 lbs. However, my belly is MUCH larger than it was last time around. Go figure. It has also gone by so quickly being that I am preoccupied with Carsten. With Carsten, it just dragged along because of all the excitement of being a first time mom.