My Bird

Yesterday I received sort of a thank you note from a friend in the mail... well, not just any friend, my best friend... my "Bird". It was one of the most touching sentiments anyone has ever written me. Last Saturday night Danyel and I invited our families over for sort of an After Thanksgiving Dinner. Well, of course, I invited Bird, who is family to me. Anyways, she sent this note thanking us for having her and her husband over to celebrate with our families. She commented on how lucky I was to have such a wonderful family and how grateful she was that she has always been welcomed to be a part of it. She went on to point out everyone and their contributions, so to speak, to the success of the get together. Carsten's laughter, my mom's sweetness, my dad's ability to keep her in stitches, my father in law's friendliness to all, etc... But, she forgot to mention her own contributions. She always brings a smile to everyone's face and brightens a room when she enters it. She is the only person that I know that always has this effect on people. Her sense of humor is second to none and her unique endearing personality appeals to everyone that she meets. She has a love for children that is unlike anybody I have ever met. She is officially Carsten's Godmother, but "mothers" MANY more. Her children will be the luckiest ever born into this world to be the recipients of her love and care. She is one of the least self involved people that I know. She has gone through a rough few months, but despite her own sadness and loss, she has celebrated everyone else's joys with enthusiasm. There are not many people that display that kind of grace and strength. You see, Bird, you are right, I really am lucky. I have you as a sister for life. No matter how my life plays out, I know that through it all, good and bad, you will always be there. What a gift and a blessing.

20 things that change when you have a baby...

I read this list on one of my baby websites. I thought it rang extremely true on a personal level (except for #16 & 17 - I still tend to talk without thinking at times & I still HATE mornings!!). Enjoy!

1. You look at your baby in the mirror instead of yourself.

2. You finally stop to smell the roses, because your baby is in your arms.

3. Where you once believed you were fearless, you now find yourself afraid.

4. You're less self-involved and more self-motivated.

5. The sacrifices you thought you made to have a child no longer seem like sacrifices.

6. You respect your body ... finally. (Hooray for baby-making!)

7. You have stronger opinions and are stronger willed.

8. You respect your parents and love them in a new way. (Hooray for grandparents!)

9. You find that your baby's pain feels much worse than your own.

10. You believe once again in the things you believed in as a child. (Hooray for the tooth fairy!)

11. You lose touch with the people in your life that you should have banished years ago.

12. Your heart breaks much more easily.

13. You think of your baby 234,836,178,976 times a day. In fact, you're so busy with this that you forget everything else.

14. Every day is a surprise.

15. Bodily functions are no longer repulsive. In fact, they please you. (Hooray for poop!)

16. You think before you speak.

17. You become a morning person. (Hooray for watching the sun rise!)

18. If you have a son, you no longer curse men. (Hooray for all men!)

19. If you have a daughter, you hope she won't endure your same heartaches.

20. Your love becomes limitless, a superhuman power.

Carsten's First Trip to the Zoo!

Today we took Carsten to the zoo for the first time. I wasn't really expecting him to be that into it, but I was pleasantly surprised! He had a great time. He was really interested in the animals and loved having such a vast area to walk around. I now know why some parents leash their children. I took him on the carousel, which was a lot of fun. He was a little unsure, but fascinated. He loved the petting zoo. Those poor abused goats. For some reason he kept going after their back ends if you get my drift. Gross. He loved the play area where he held his own with all the big kids. I loved watching him see and do a whole slew of new stuff today. Just seeing his face with a perpetual expression of wonder and excitement for three hours straight made me all fuzzy inside. It was my most favorite trip to the zoo ever.

Carsten's First Thanksgiving... and Christmas?

WARNING... THIS POST IS DISGUSTING AND POSSIBLY OFFENSIVE!!!

Last night as I was bathing Carsten he was exceptionally gassy. He was quite amused with his symphony of "bubble" making. So were Danyel and I. That is until a couple of minutes (yes, minutes) later Danyel shouted "Oooohhh, Honey, LOOK!" I jumped out of the tub with Carsten in tow at record speed. I put up with Carsten peeing in my bath water every night, but this is not acceptable. If he keeps this up, his days in my bath are numbered. He's never taken a poo in the bath. I always thought that this was just something he knew not to do! Anyways, Danyel thought it was so funny, he had to take a picture of it. Men.

P.S. I can't believe that I am posting this picture on my blog... the links I go to to keep you people entertained and shocked are despicable.

A Bad Case of Cabin Fever

Today was the first day this week since Sunday that I have left the house - by no choice of my own - just cruel fate.

Monday I stayed in to do laundry and clean up around the house from the weekend.

Tuesday, I needed to run to the grocery store to grab a few things... well, needed to go for the sake of my sanity. Cabin fever had started to set in. I packed all Carten's things, got him dressed, and dragged him out to the car only to see the car seat sitting in the garage floor taken apart. Carsten had thrown up in it on Sunday, so Danyel took it apart and cleaned it. I don't know how to put it back together or reinstall it, so relunctently we went back inside.

Wednesday, I was DYING to get out. I had decided to take Carsten to the park after lunch. So, I packed everything up again and headed out to the car... strapped Carsten in his seat that Danyel had reinstalled... put the key in the ignition and the car was DEAD. Again, we went back inside.

Today, after breakfast, I dressed Carsten and packed everything up to go to the mall. Again, I loaded Carsten in the car, tried to start my car that Danyel had supposedly jumped last night, and it was STILL dead. I called Danyel and he agreed to come home and jump me... again. I didn't even have to plead... he could hear the desperation in my voice.

Carsten is enjoying the cold weather...

Catholic... to be or not to be?

Recently I purchased some books to learn more about the Catholic religion. I am a cradle catholic that really isn't very knowledgeable about all the church doctrines. So, I started my journey with "Catholicsm for Dummies". Don't laugh... This book was written by two Catholic priests and is highly recommended by Catholic scholars as a good overview/summary of the Catholic Catechism. I have learned a lot, and to my dismay, have found out that is o.k. for me to have some of the views that I have and still be a Catholic... or for that matter... a Christian. It's o.k. for me to believe in the Theory of Evolution. The church thinks that science and religion don't go against each other, but actually complement each other. You can believe that humans evolved from apes as long as you realize that this course of events was created by God. Also, I have always had a problem with the literal interpretation of everything in the Bible. Of course, the Bible is the Word of God and is therefore the truth and nothing but the truth. But, this doesn't change the fact that a lot of the books in the Bible are written using figurative writing styles. Catholics don't necessarily believe that the world was created in 7 actual 24 hour periods. Genesis was written as a poem. Though it is truth, to take it literally is not honoring that truth. Don't get me wrong... of course I believe in Adam and Eve and the whole shebang. They were the first humans, but that doesn't mean that they did not evolve from apes. I also don't believe that the world is only 6,000 years old and yes, I believe that dinosaurs walked the earth before we did. There is proof of this. Period.

My spiritual journey was going well until last night. I read in my book that if a Catholic marries in a non-Catholic ceremony, that there marriage is invalid in the eyes of the church. This I already knew, and could deal with. I know that my marriage is valid in the eyes of God and that is all I am concerned with. But, then it went on to say that if your marriage is invalid, you should not receive communion until you make it valid by marrying in the church. This really hit a heart string with me. After all, the celebration of the Eucharist is HALF of what Mass is all about. I felt like I was being rejected by something that I am trying to embrace. Why am I not worthy to receive God's grace because I wasn't married in the church? Then, I read that two non Catholics that get married in a non Catholic ceremony are recognized as having a valid marriage??!! How is that fair? Anyways, this really tore me up. I went to bed thinking "Why am I trying so hard to embrace my Catholic faith if they are in fact denying me?"

Well, I prayed on it and this morning I have had an epiphany. No, I may not subscribe to every Church law, but I consider myself a Catholic. I believe 100% in the theological beliefs of Catholics. I believe in the Nicene Creed and live by it. I honor Mary, the Mother of God, I believe in the Holy Trinity, I believe that Catholicsm is the Apostolic religion, etc. It's the churches "laws" that I guess I sometimes disagree with. I am not against artificial means of birth control. It is a necessity in today's age. How can you be against something like Condoms that if used in countries like Africa could save thousands of people from dying of AIDS? Also, I do believe it is o.k. for couples to seek fertility help when they are having trouble conceiving naturally. I don't believe that it is "God's will" for the couple to be childless. If you go by that mentality, then when a person got cancer, you would let them die because that is "God's will". Also, I believe the church has A LOT of laws, but there are also a lot of loop holes to them. For instance, the Church doesn't recognize divorce - a couple is married forever in the eyes of the Church. BUT, a couple can petition to have their marriage annulled - meaning that in the eyes of the Church - it never existed and was invalid. How can you deny the existence of a 30 year marriage that produced "valid" children? Or, take for instance abortion. The church says that it is against abortion in all cases, even rape. BUT, someone who is raped can take the "abortion pill" within 24 hours of the incident and that is not considered abortion because it is probable that the sperm and the egg have not combined yet and that you are just PREVENTING the pregnancy from happening. You say tomato, I say tomata. Besides the "abortion pill" is just a high potency form of the birth control pill, which is not allowed in the Catholic church. And, HELLOOO, it is called the "abortion pill"! But, I digress. I know the Church is trying to adhere to it's traditional values, but are trying to be a little flexible in a modern society. At least they are trying to be somewhat progressive. But, we must call something what it is. Divorce is divorce. Abortion is abortion.

Anyways, the point is this... there is not one particular Christian religion that I identify with 100%. I think that this is true for most people, whether they admit it or not. I take a lot of issues with the Protestant core belief system. Theologically, I am not in line. And, non-denominational churches in fact stemmed from Protestant religions and they hold a lot of the same beliefs. So, you just have to go with what feels right. It's like aligning yourself with a political party. Most likely, you don't agree with 100% of their views, but you still consider yourself part of that party because the MAJORITY of your views and values match theirs. The bottom line is this... Where do I feel closest to God? Where can my faith grow? And the answer is easy. When I walk into a Catholic church, I feel God everywhere. I feel his grace enter me when I walk into the door. Catholics worship God with a respect like no other. I admire that and am proud to be part of it.

DH & GA???

At the beginning of every week I make out a daily to-do list. My life is ruled by this list. If I loose this list, I am so very screwed. If it's not on this list, it doesn't get done. Period.

Anyways, last Sunday evening I made my list out for the next week - through yesterday. Friday evening I checked my list to see what was upcoming for the weekend. On Sunday - at the bottom of the bullet points - I had wrote "DH & GA". I hate when I do that - abbreviate things - I can't ever remember what they are. Anyways, I became obsessed with what "DH & GA" stood for. I just knew it was something very important. I had been so good all week and completed just about everything on the list so far. I was not going to let this one to-do keep me from accomplishing my goal. All Friday evening, I kept trying to figure it out. Maybe it had something to do with Danyel - sometimes I abbreviate things, so he won't know what they are. All night as I slept Friday night, I woke up probably 4 times just trying to figure it out. I even dreamed about it. Saturday, I continued to think it about it often knowing that I was only one day away from having to do this particular to-do. Finally, Sunday morning at about 6 am, it came to me. Desperate Housewives and Grey's Anatomy - my two shows that I watch on Sunday. I am so busy most of the time, that I guess I felt I had to remind myself that they were on on Sunday. Really Pathetic... that's probably why I abbreviated... becuase I didn't want Danyel to know just how pathetic I was. You are looking at a real life desperate housewife... or pathetic housewife, I guess I should say.

They grow up soooooooo fast!!

He Walks!... Well, sort of. Last Saturday Carsten started to walk - by himself. I was watching T.V. and looked over to see him vertically moving towards me. I had to blink and make sure I was seeing what I was seeing. I was ecstatic! Danyel and I pushed him to "preform" throughout the day. He could walk half way accross a room before he lost his balance and fell. We got it all on video and everything. Then, Sunday he wouldn't do it anymore. He had lost his confidence because of all the falling that comes along with learning to walk. He wouldn't let go of our fingers when walking and resorted to crawling when we were trying to get him to walk to us. Since then, he has started to give it another try, but only a few steps at a time... when he is pretty sure he can make it to his target without falling. We just try to ignore the walking - when he does it - to not put too much pressure on him. I just can't believe it! Almost 10 months ago this kid was just entering the world with no life skills at all. I realized that I have been in such a hurry for him to grow up and attain all his developmental milestones, that now I feel like I have lost out on really enjoying him being a baby. I promise, with the next baby, I will not make this same mistake. Of course, this does not apply to the first month, when, let's be honest here, it really is hard to enjoy sleepless nights, hours of crying, and sore nipples from CONSTANT nursing!

To Be Young Again...

Last night Danyel and I went to see Depeche Mode in concert. You all know that my husband is a fanatical life long devoted fan of Depeche Mode. He was so giddy all day yesterday in anticipation of the big event. I, on the other hand, was just looking forward to having a nice dinner out alone beforehand. Upon arrival to the show, I instantly felt old. We sat down to watch the opening act, which of course I had never heard of, and the music was so loud that I could feel the bass beating the hell out of my insides. My head started to throb. I thought that my right temple was going to implode. I kept asking Danyel if the music seemed really loud to him and he told me to quit acting like an old lady and just try and have a good time. So, I did. We had a great time. When Depeche Mode went on, everyone was pretty excited... bobbing to the music... you know, trying to get their rhythm down. However, Danyel was instantly on fire! It's like somebody just released a thousand ants in his pants. His hips were swaying, his arms were going, his tongue was hanging out of his mouth, and he was screaming out every word to every song as loud as he possibly could. He immediately looked like he had been traded to the other team... if you get my drift. Fortunately, I have been to a few concerts with him before. Otherwise, he would have scared the hell out of me! Men in general seemed to loose their masculinity as soon as the show started. They were jumping up and down hugging each other when the band would play one of their favorites and dancing together with their arms draped over each other. Of course, they would all deny this behavior today, I'm sure. They looked like a bunch of giddy school girls. Anyways, the crowd was great. By the end of the show people were dancing in the aisles together with this kumbaya like love for each other and reliving their youth. Nothing can make you feel fifteen again like screaming at the top of your lungs while belting out the lyrics to "Personal Jesus" and "Just Can't Get Enough". Then, of course, your reminded of your old age as you leave with your ears ringing and you realize it's 2 hours past your bed time and you still have to pick up the baby from your mom's house.