A Mother's Tears

As I was running errands yesterday with Carsten shopping for last minute stuff for his birthday party this weekend, it all the sudden hit me... hard, that my first born son is turning one and having his first of many birthday parties. I got very teary eyed as I thought about how fast the year went... it's like he was born, I blinked, and here we are celebrating his first birthday. If all the years go this fast, before I know it, he will be going to kindergarten, liking girls, hating me, and going off to college. That's it. Four more blinks and my baby will be going off into the world on his own. As I am writing this, tears are streaming my face. Don't get me wrong... I know that this is a good thing - for Carsten to grow into an independent man finding his way in the world, but he will have to go through so many trials and tribulations to get to that point. Right now he is so innocent - he is naive to the challenges and difficulties that life will bring. Right now he only knows happiness and smiles more times in a day than any of us combined. Right now he loves Danyel and I so much that when we leave the room, he cries for us. He thinks every silly thing that we do is hilarious. His world is full of laughter, exploration, and love... that's it. To think that one day he will hurt, be lonely, be sad - just kills me. I wish I could shelter him from that stuff forever, but I know that it is only inevitable. No matter what anyone says, these are the best years... the baby and toddler years. Sure, he is very dependent upon us right now and he definitely keeps us hopping, but these are the years when we have total control over his happiness and well being. And as long as that is the case, he will not know any sadness or burden. This has been quite a year for all of us. For Danyel and I, it has probably been the most life changing and best ever. For Carsten, it's been a year full of constant growing, excitement, wonderment, and laughter (with some crying mixed in, of course). My one birthday wish for him is that he lives a life full of many years like his first... bursting with happiness and love.