Things I love most about Baby Aydin (and want to make sure that I remember)...

I love...

...the way he chuckles that big belly laugh when you rub your head in his chest or sniff his crotch (don't ask).
...that big beautiful grin that softens your heart in an instant.
...his man boobs.
...his chunky little thighs.
...the way he instantly calms when you pat his bottom over and over.
...the way he watches his brother in awe with every move Carsten makes.
...the way he sleeps so peacefully ALL NIGHT LONG.
...the way he constantly is kicking his little feet without a care in the world.
...his love for jumping - in the jumperoo, the excersaucer, the walker, or on your lap.
...his long soft hair that is starting to curl at the ends.
...his sticky fingers (hence the nickname 'Senor Sticky Fingers') Everything within reach gets retrieved with a death grip. This is lovable most of the time, unless you are Danyel and the object being man handled is your chest hair. OUCH!

and last, but not least...

...his gentle, peaceful, and kind nature (hence his other nicknames - 'Buddha' and 'Gentle Giant')

I am so proud to be his mommy every day. I am amazed, once again, that I have helped create such a perfect human being.

Tom and Jerry

Here are some pics of the boys from last night. We took them to Grammy's to do a little trick or treating. Carsten had a blast and Aydin went along for the ride. I may be a little biased, but they were the best dressed out of all the other costumes I saw!

Some recent pics of the Fam...

Aydin during his first trip to the zoo last week

Carsten loving his DQ

A family pic we took a few weeks back

The boys in the bike trailer we got for our new bikes.

Digging myself out

It's been almost 4 months since my last post. Wow. A lifetime of experiences have passed. Most of you know that I have been suffering from severe postpartum depression and anxiety since Aydin's birth. I hate that I have not posted with cute pictures and tales of his first four months in this world because there are plenty to share. The truth is that I have been reluctant to post due to the obvious elephant in the room. The last four months have been the most difficult of my life and I just don't think that I am ready to share my story here. One day, but not today. I am just starting to feel better after switching to my third psychiatrist, who, thank God, specializes in dealing with postpartum mood disorders. I am just starting to feel like myself again. I am just starting to believe that there is a light at the end of this dark and lonely tunnel. I want to tell you about all the medications that I have tried that didn't help. I want to tell you about the ones that are helping. I want to tell you about my lowest points. I want to tell you, but I am not ready to back track. I am working hard to only focus on moving forward at this point.

Aydin has arrived, obviously, and has been a glorious addition to our perfect family. He completes us. He is the sweetest and happiest baby. His face and personality are angelic. We have nicknamed him Buddha because of his rather plump frame and gentle soul. I want to tell you all about him. I want to tell you about my glorious delivery experience. I want to tell you about coming to terms with the fact that I have brought my last child into the world. And I will.

Carsten is adjusting to being a big brother slowly. He has been a challenge in recent months. I am not sure what to credit the behavior to - getting used to sharing our attentions, just being 2, or my illness. Maybe it is a combination of all three. He continues to shock us with his intelligence and entertain us with his beaming personality.

Danyel has been the star player the last few months. Without him, I am convinced that I would be in a psychiatric hospital by now. I want to tell you all about his heroic actions. I want to tell you about how he has saved me. And I will.

I have so much to share. I've got a million things to tell you internet. Maybe I'll start tomorrow.

Getting in touch with my roots

Yesterday I attempted to make my first batch of Czech kolaches ever. For those of you not in the know, a REAL Kolache is not filled with sausage and cheese - those are called pigs in a blanket. An authentic Kolache is a semi sweet flavored bread like pastry with a sweet filling... traditionally, prune, poppyseed, apricot, or cottage cheese. I used a combination of my Grandmother's recipe and some recipes I found on the Internet. They took most of the day and were way more work than I had bargained for. They turned out pretty good for a first attempt. My only failure was that I baked a good half of them for too long. I grew up eating Kolaches at my Grandmother's every Sunday. Since she has passed, they are an elusive craving that I get from time to time. There are a few places to get them in Houston, but none that even compare to an authentic Czech kolache. Now I have a small stash in my freezer and life is that much sweeter because of it.

My Little Ham

Lunchtime

One of my most favorite times of the day is when Danyel comes home for lunch. I know that we are very lucky to be able to eat 3 meals together as a family every single day. Not to mention that these days since Carsten rules most of the conversation, it can be down right knee slapping.

Here is just a little tidbit from lunch today:

Carsten (giggling): Mama, look at Daddy! (side note: Danyel was eating a chicken leg - more like devouring it like a carnivore gone mad)

Me: I know. What is daddy doing?

Carsten (still giggling): He's eating like a pig!

Good stuff.

My First Born

Amidst all this business of getting ready for our new addition to the family, Carsten has become quite a young man. His metamorphosis into a "real" person just within the last few months has been astounding. His personality is shining through in ways that shock us every single day.

He is very stubborn and strong willed like his mom. This is the "challenging" part of his personality. It makes for a lot of tantrums and power struggles, but I know that this character trait will serve him well in life in the right situation. Unfortunately, right now, it is making potting training an impossible feat. Carsten will not use the potty. Period. He refuses to give up his diapers. End of story. Eventually, we are just going to have to go cold turkey on him, I have a feeling. It is going to get nasty, but I think that it is going to be the only way to accomplish the task once and for all. Lord help us! This part of his personality also makes daily transitions difficult. If he is focused on doing something and we have to tear him away from it, he loses it. It is hard for us to steer his attention to something else.

Carsten is very much so a creature of habit and loves routine. He likes to have things a certain way. He likes to have a certain cup with juice in it every morning. He will not go to sleep with anything out of order in his room. He has to have "Doggy", "Teddy", and "Other Teddy" in bed with him, but nothing else. His toys have to all be in the toy box or on the shelf like always. A lot of this comes from being 2, but a lot of it is also inherited and will stick with him. (Thanks Grandpa Sralla).

He is very active and total boy. I wouldn't say he is active as in "wild", but he is constantly moving and exploring. He does not sit still. EVER. He loves to go, go, go. He gets very restless at home and constantly is asking to go bye-bye. This is something he has inherently learned from Danyel and I as we love to stay busy during the day and hate to sit still at home for too long.

He is EXTREMELY talkative (like his father) and his language skills are remarkable for his age. I am surprised multiple times a day by what comes out of his mouth. He seems to have a much better vocabulary than most kids his age. He talks in full sentences very clearly. Danyel and I have no problem understanding 95% of what he says and friends and relatives that are close can understand a good majority of it.

Like Danyel, he is extremely mechanical and curious about how everything works (hence the door obsession).

He has an amazing sense of humor.

He is a performer. If he realizes that something gets a chuckle out of someone, he turns it on until he has tears rolling down your cheeks. He loves to "show" things to people and can spend half an hour giving you a play by play of what he has done that day. He is more of an extrovert than either Danyel or I and is extremely friendly with other kids and adults. Just the other day at the play area at the mall he approached a 4 or 5 year old girl and said very enthusiastically, "Come on! Let's play!" Unfortunately, she was a little put off by his enthusiasm and forwardness. She told him to go away and that she did not want to play with him. I felt so sad for him, but he just laughed it off and went about his business. I hope he keeps this attitude when it comes to rejection. He is so intrigued by older kids because he has something to learn from them.

His memory is astounding. It scares us the things that he will remember... things he will repeat that we had no idea he was even paying attention to at the time. About a month ago we were at Home Depot and he was not listening to us and throwing tantrum after tantrum. I had to eventually take him to the car while we waited for Danyel to finish up. Today we went to Lowes garden center and as I was getting him out of his car seat he said to me, "No crying in the store Mama or you have to go sit in the car." We must have been to a garden center 5 times since that Home Depot experience (have you met my husband with the very green thumb?), but he still remembered that incident.

He is very adaptable. He goes with the flow for the most part. He adapts well to new environments and new situations. When we travel as a family, he doesn't miss a wink of sleep being in a different place and seems to like the change in environment. When Danyel and I leave him behind to travel alone, I get anxious, but he doesn't even seem to notice. He takes it all in stride and goes about life as usual wherever he is.

He has always been very independent. I think this is common, though, with first born children. They learn to play and entertain themselves at an early age because they have no siblings around at first to play with.

Carsten is a total Mama's boy, which I relish most of the time, but it can get tiresome being the one he prefers to do everything. When it comes to playing, though, he goes straight to Danyel. He knows that Dad is the fun one. I spend a lot of evenings watching Danyel and Carsten wrestle or play "nite-nite" and I am overwhelmed with gratitude for my two boys.

Our biggest challenge with Carsten is discipline right now. Using time out has been the most effective way of getting him in check, but it's not always a sure thing. He is so determined to explore and do what he wants that it is sometimes difficult for us to get him to follow direction. We are pretty consistent with keeping on him until we get a result, but we are just anxiously awaiting the day when he does what we ask him to do the first time around. (I hear you other mothers out there laughing. Stop it!)

My original intent in setting up this blog was to help me keep a record of my children's lives and the special moments in my life. With the baby soon arriving and stealing some of Carsten's spotlight here on the web, I wanted to devote a post just to him. I wanted to have a record of what he was like at this particular moment in time. I wanted to put into writing for the umpteenth time what a remarkable blessing he has been in my life. He has taught me an infinite number of things, such as patience, unconditional love, and selflessness. He is the child who taught me how to be a mother (my second born will surely be the one to teach me the art of multitasking). He is the child that so dramatically changed my life in an instant. He has given my life a purpose that it never had before. Pretty soon our time alone together will end and our family will welcome yet another blessing. However, I will always cherish the 2 years and 4 months that I had alone with my first born to bond as mother and son and to discover the remarkable little person that he is.

Carsten flying his first kite

Meet "The Belly"

The Home Stretch

It's been a while since I last posted, but things have been very busy around here the last couple of months. My nesting instinct was brutal with this pregnancy and nearly killed me (and Danyel, for that matter). Every home improvement project needing to be done in the last few years is now done. I have cleaned and organized every inch of this house. The baby's nursery is done. Carsten's room has been turned into a "big boy" room with queen size bed and all. We've had the house painted, the gutters cleaned, re stained the deck, replaced the patio door, had the carpets cleaned, and wallpapered the downstairs bath. I have stockpiled toilet paper, paper towels, toiletries, food, etc. as if once the baby comes we are not going to be able to leave the house for 2 months. We have enough food frozen to feed us for a month. I have even almost finished my shopping for Father's Day, which is still over a month away. I am so prepared this time around. Call me crazy, but I know the chaos that is about to descend upon this house for the next few months. Last time, I thought I knew. But, you can't REALLY know until you have experienced life with a newborn before.

Now, we just wait. At most, we wait 12 more days. I have scheduled my induction for May 23rd. Being that my body is a safe house for babies, I don't expect to go into labor on my own, so I am banking on the 23rd, which is two days after my due date. As of this Monday, I was still not dilated any and the baby's head was still high. By this point last time with Carsten I was already dilated almost 4 cm, but, I still had to be induced a week after my due date. I have started having some contractions and cramping this week, so hopefully I will have made some progress by my appointment next week. I would like to get a little bit of a head start on dilation before my induction to just make the process of labor and delivery go by that much faster.

I am feeling very miserable lately. My mobility in general has dramatically decreased in the last few weeks. I am very uncomfortable and my patience is gone. Taking care of Carsten during the day has been an almost impossible feat. Wrestling a toddler constantly while carrying a full term baby in your uterus is very challenging. But, we are making due. Danyel has picked up a bunch of slack lately, but during the day while he is at work, I am on my own.

The doctor thinks that the baby will weigh in at about 8 lbs. 10oz. by the time I deliver according to the ultrasound he did on Monday. Carsten was 8 lbs. 4 oz., so this didn't surprise me or alarm me. But, make no mistake, I am very fearful of giving birth again. Just thinking about it brings tears to my eyes. My 2 1/2 hours of pushing with Carsten with an epidural that had run dry scarred me for life. I can't remember the pain in detail, or anything for that matter, but I do remember almost feeling outside of my body because the pain was so intense that I could not bear it. I am hoping to have a much quicker delivery this time around with NO pain. I plan on having a serious talk with the doctor on Monday to make sure that he understands that I want to be so numb that I FEEL NOTHING. Period.

Aside from the birth, I am really nervous about bringing home a newborn again. The first few months with Carsten were bittersweet for us being that he cried all the time. He was a very difficult baby and I am scared to death that this baby will be the same or worse. I remember so many days that Danyel would come home from work and Carsten and I would just be sitting on the couch crying together. I am hoping that with experience under my belt, I will be able to withstand the experience much better this time around.

On a positive note, I am getting really anxious about meeting this baby and finding out if it is a boy or girl. Everywhere I go, people tell me that I am having a girl, but most family and friends think we are going to have another boy. As I get closer to finding out, I find that I am probably hoping for a girl more than I thought I was - if only because I am not sure (now that I have almost completed a second pregnancy) if I will have the energy to do this all over again. If we have a girl, we are pretty certain that this will be the last addition to our family. If we have a boy, we have talked about trying again for a girl.

My most favorite thing about this pregnancy has been my lack of weight gain. As of today, I have only gained 18 lbs. With Carsten, I was already inching up on 30 lbs. However, my belly is MUCH larger than it was last time around. Go figure. It has also gone by so quickly being that I am preoccupied with Carsten. With Carsten, it just dragged along because of all the excitement of being a first time mom.

The cutest little baby face...

I am over the moon in love with this kid already. This picture alone totally did it for me.


This is a 3-D picture of baby's face taken yesterday at my ultrasound. He (or she, I suppose) is resting the right side of his face on his "pillow" (a.k.a the placenta). The original image is twice as clear as the scanned one. Amazing.

Boy or girl looking face... we're not sure... it could go either way. But, one things for sure, as far as Danyel and I are concerned, this kid looks like a spitting image of his newborn brother.

We have a few more pics. If you are lucky enough to see us in future weeks, we will torture you with them then!

Our little Frankenstein

So, as most of you already know... Carsten fell victim to his inherited clumsiness on Monday. He was running from the living room into the spare bedroom where Danyel and I were calling him. As he dashed into the room, he tripped on his own feet and hit his head on the very sharp corner of the windowsill. Blood was gushing out of the wound and getting all over the place. He was screaming. Danyel and I were panicking. Danyel ran to get a towel to soak up the blood and he was gone for what seemed like forever. He was running around like a chicken with his head cut off trying to figure out what the hell to do. Seeing your child oozing large amounts of blood out of their forehead is quite a frightening experience. He hit so hard that I can still hear it in my head. I am surprised that he didn't pass out or suffer a concussion.

We realized that he was going to need stitches right away. The blood clotted pretty quickly for the most part, but was still slowly oozing. The weather was awful, so I took him down the street to a family clinic instead of to his regular pediatrician's office,which was a big mistake. They ended up putting steri-strips (sticker like stitches) over his wound instead of sutures. They came loose that evening and I had to take him to the pediatrician early the next morning where they did an excellent job at giving him three stitches.

It was an awful experience to watch him endure. They had to straight jacket him down to the exam table. Then, she injected some lidocaine into the cut to deaden it, which was the worst part. He screamed like I have never heard him scream before. He kept crying and saying, "Mama, turn it off!" I tried to stay smiling and strong for him, but I couldn't stop crying. These damn pregnancy hormones.

Once the lidocaine kicked in, he settled down for the most part and was just whimpering. The crazy thing is that when she was done and I let him out of the straight jacket he just went about his business. He even thanked her when she was done. He didn't seem traumatized in the least bit. The P.A. said that he did excellent compared to most kids his age. That's my Bubby... he's one tough cookie.

And, as you can see by the pics, he's moved on.

My favorite pics from our trip

Las Caletas Beach

Sunset over beach at resort... best I have ever seen

My Pookie enjoying the sunset

Los Arcos

Relaxing at Las Caletas

Relaxing at Las Caletas... some more

Baby and me relaxing on balcony at resort

Church in Puerto Vallarta

Relaxing by the infinity pool at resort

Relaxing by the pool... some more

Danyel took this one... I love it.

Lazy Days

Our trip to Puerto Vallarta last week was fantastic. It was full of relaxation & warm, sunny weather... just what we needed. Usually, we prefer more active vacations, but we thought this was the right trip at the right time. We couldn't have been more right. Danyel, especially, has trouble relaxing and sitting still for too long, but I was really surprised at how quickly he adapted to the pace... much faster than even myself. It took me a few days to shake off the Mommy mode that I walk around in constantly, but once I did, it was smooth sailing from there.

This marks the second time we have left Carsten for a week long period. (Well, third for Danyel, but we won't get into that.) The first was almost a year ago when we went to Italy. I didn't handle the separation all that well, to say the least. So, I was a little apprehensive this time around, but I did much better. I still missed him terribly and shed tears every time I thought about him too much, but I didn't let it effect our vacation.

The resort was unbelievable... a very beautiful and serene place. It was all inclusive, which was great, except for the fact that we got tired of eating the same stuff all week. We spent a lot of time lounging by the infinity pool overlooking the ocean. We went swimming with the dolphins one afternoon. It has always been on my list of things to do before I die. The best part was when we got to ride on the dolphin around the pool.... it was amazing! We also went on a boat trip one afternoon to a place called Las Caletas, which is a secluded beach about an hour away from Puerto Vallarta on a boat. We were looking forward to the snorkeling there, but it was a disappointment. The water was not clear enough and we were right at shore, so there was not much to see. But, the beach was beautiful and it was a great place to relax. Other than that, we read three books between us and spent a morning at the spa getting massages. It was Danyel's first massage and he thought he had died and gone to heaven. As he put it, "I felt like I was levitating."

My Romeo

This morning after I finished changing Carsten's diaper, I extended my hand to him to help him up. Instead, he pulled me down towards him and held both sides of my face with his little hands. He pulled my face down right in front of his, looked me in the eye, and said so very sweetly with a grin on his face, "I wuv you Mama. I kiss you Mama." Then he closed his eyes, puckered his lips, and planted a big one on my lips. He was so very sweet, charming, and completely engrossed in the moment. And, like everything these days, he said and did it a million times before he was content enough to move on to the next thing. I relished every second of it and fought back tears brought on by a joy unlike any other in this world.

Today was a perfect day.

The apple of my eye...

Or grapefruit, I should say. To look at this picture makes me salivate all over myself.

Sweet, sweet grapefruit, you are my one and only. I could eat you all day long. You are so juicy and sweet with a hint of tartness that keeps me coming back for more. You are just perfect halved with a sprinkle of sugar on top. Sometimes when I am eating you, you squirt your heavenly juices all over me, but I don't mind. You are the worlds perfect food and you bring me more joy than you will ever know.

Sure, I have always liked an occasional grapefruit, but my relationship with this citrus fruit has grown deep in recent weeks. I JUST CAN'T GET ENOUGH. Grapefruit along with any kind of fruit juice and salsa are my holy trinity these days. But, the grapefruit is by far the Divine. I guess this baby is cravin' some vitamin C!

LONG LIVE THE GRAPEFRUIT!!

Monkey Bizness

I took Carsten to Monkey Bizness today. With it raining now for a week straight and with no outside playtime everyday, I thought it would be a great indoor place for him to expel some of his pent up energy. It is a place that has a playroom with a bunch of inflatable moonwalks, obstacle courses, slides, etc. It's only $5 for 1 1/2 hours of playtime. It was such a blast! I don't know who had more fun... him or I.

He had a permanent smile on his face and went full speed for the entire time. I had to drag him out of there kicking and screaming at the end of his session.

He was able to do most everything on his own, with the exception of this huge slide that was like 2 stories tall. Actually, he did fine climbing up on his own and everything, but I was not comfortable letting him go on his own. I was surprised he wasn't scared of it because it was pretty steep and fast. It actually gave me butterflies in my stomach on the way down. But, he had no fear and we had to do it again and again and again. I thought I was going to die. It's a good thing I am only 5 months along - I don't think I could have managed the climb up otherwise!
Anyway, he was so worn out when we left he was ASKING for a nap. That was a first!

In that last picture there, he was pretending to go "nite-nite" in the moonwalk. Such a character...

Catch up

Things have been busy, so I haven't had much time to post. Honestly, I am a little bored with the blog thing right now. I just don't have any motivation, but I would like to keep things current, so I thought I would just post a little about what's been going on lately.

Christmas was busy and I was glad to see it go. It's hard hauling a two year old around to all the festivities. It was a little much for Carsten and a little much for Danyel and I. Next year we plan to downsize our activities and family visits to make things more bearable and enjoyable. With that said, Carsten got the whole concept a lot more this year, which was a lot of fun. He LOVED getting presents, but grew tired of opening them after a few. He would get interested in his new toy and we would be rushing him on to the next thing. As usual, he got way too much. It was a good thing I donated two big trash bags of toys before the holidays. He misses Santa and talks about him still. He remembers some of his toys were from Santa and mentions it sometimes. The first few times we visited the mall after Christmas he asked where Santa was. I explained he went back to the North Pole until next year... and good ridden!


Carsten really enjoyed his birthday this year. We had a small gathering last weekend with just immediate family and Godparents... all his favorite people. His favorite part was the whole cake experience... being sung to, blowing out his candle, and, of course, eating it! He's more than a little obsessed with cake. The guests were more than generous and Carsten made out like a bandit. It's amazing to me what a difference a year makes. He was so into the whole experience this year. Last year he barely understood what was going on, if at all. Last year, he couldn't talk at all, cried when everyone sang to him, and had no interest in his cake. Now, he talks in 3 or 4 word phrases, was a total ham for all the singing, and would have eaten the whole cake if I let him.

Yesterday was his actual birthday and we took him to Chucke Cheese for dinner. We were there entirely too long and spent way too much money, but he had a blast. He really loved the whole concept of putting the tokens into the rides and games. We went through like 70 tokens. Danyel decided to save his tickets that he won, so that he can save up for a cool prize. Great. I guess that means we will be going back. Lovely. Anyway, Chucke Cheese came and sang him happy birthday and brought him an ice cream sandwich cake with a candle. Again, he ate it up.

Other than that, Danyel and I have been rearranging the house to make room for the new little one due in just 17 weeks! Boy, how time flies. We are also getting ready for our trip to Mexico in a couple of weeks... alone. We are calling it our last hurrah. We have a lot of fun things planned, like swimming with dolphins, taking a catamaran out to some island to do some snorkeling, and a day at the spa. I am really looking forward to it.

Other than that, Carsten is still going to nursery school two days a week. We went through a rough patch with crying (on his and my part) and with him being really sick. The crying has stopped and he seems to be enjoying it. His nose has been runny for six weeks now, but other than that, he seems to be feeling fine. His doctor told me I could pretty much expect him to stay congested and snotty for the next year until his immune system adjusts. Lovely. In other Carsten news, the potty training thing has gone nowhere. He has actually decided he would prefer to pee in his pants than in the potty, so we are back to square one. In all honesty, we have been really lazy with the whole thing lately and really need to get serious about it. We are planning to move him into a big bed next month, so maybe after we get over that transition, I can concentrate more on it.

As for Fetus Adolphus, things are progressing along fine. My appetite has returned and I have now gained one pound from where I was when I started. I got down to almost 8 pounds less than my normal weight, so I have made a lot of progress. My stomach is growing at a record rate, as are my boobs. We had our ultrasound a few weeks ago and it was hard to resist finding out the sex, but we managed. I have a pretty strong feeling that it is a boy, but we will see. Everything looked fine, with the exception of a small brain cyst with a really fancy name that I will not even attempt to type. Carsten had the same issue at this point in the pregnancy and more than 99% of the time they are nothing to worry about and disappear by 28 weeks, just as Carsten's did. They are seen in about 3% of ultrasounds... 100% of mine. I have a neighbor and a friend who have had the same issue, all resulting in normal healthy babies. I will have a follow up ultrasound at 28 weeks to make sure it has disappeared, but we don't have much concern over it being that we have been here before.

O.K. That's it. I am done. :-)