A Day in the life of Bubby

I am sure some of you get tired of my barrage of Carsten pictorials, but deal with it! I can't ever just pick a couple to post - he is just so darn cute in all of them! Besides, his grandparents dig all the pics!

Getting ready for the big trip...

So, on Monday we leave for Italy for a week. I am getting really excited. Danyel and I love Italy. It is such a romantic and beautiful place. It almost feels like another planet. The culture is so rich and the food and wine is to die for. Life is so different there. People live to live instead of living to work. Everything and everyone moves at a slower pace.

This week I have been busy preparing for the trip - mostly for leaving Carsten... in a physical sense like packing, but also emotionally. The thing that makes it less nerve-racking for me to leave him, is being thoroughly prepared... making sure I have everything packed for him and making tip sheets for his caregivers (Amy & my Mom). These sheets contain important contacts, eating tips, favorite foods, sleeping tips, typical eating and sleeping schedule, medicine dosage info if necessary, etc. My hope is that the information makes them more prepared and aware of what to expect and how to handle certain situations. But, I made the list just as much for my own self assurance.

Danyel is also working on a will that will outline our intended caregiver for Carsten if something, God forbid, should happen to us. It also includes the intended disbursement of our life insurance and assets for Carsten's benefit. It is a much more encompassing project than I expected it to be. Luckily, we agreed right away on an intended caregiver for Carsten. Then we had to decide whether to ask who we had chosen or to just have it in the will. In order to avoid unnecessary hurt feelings amongst family and friends, we decided to keep it to ourselves. But, then we had to come up with a contingent caregiver in case our first choice couldn't or didn't want to take on the responsibility. The contingent choice was a little more difficult. He felt strongly about his choice, so I compromised. Of course, this conclusion was not made without some heated debate. It's kind of a scary thing to think about all this, but we feel it is necessary before we take off around the world.

Anyways, it is going to be tough to leave our little buddy, but once we are there, I will be so grateful for the time alone with Danyel. I am sure that we will be having such an amazing time that we will be distracted from missing him too much.

When we return, I will have lots of pictures and experiences to share, so be prepared! :-)

I am not a hypochondriac... I swear.

Those of you who read this blog, have probably made the assumption by now that I am a bit of a hypochondriac. I swear that I am not... or at least didn't use to be. I have always been exceptionally healthy... not getting sick that often and never suffering any major ailments. But, since Carsten was born, my body has just been destroyed. I seem to have suffered from the strangest ailments since giving birth... my restless left leg, tingling/numbness in my middle back, kidney infection, IBS, hemorrhoids, constant lower back pain, lump in my throat feeling (don't even ask), etc. I am thankful, however, that these are minor in the scheme of ailments. Some of these problems have come and gone and some still plague me. Then, there is of course the droopy boobs, stretch marks, cellulite, and larger hips that I owe to my beloved son. I am so scared to find out what the next child will bring...

Another reason for my perceived hypochondria is this new found fear of death that I have acquired since having Carsten. Before having a child, death wasn't so scary. If I died, people would mourn and be upset, but there was nobody that was dependent upon me... nobody who's life would be dramatically altered if I wasn't around. I saw this show recently where this woman was dying of cancer and she had a newborn and a 5 year old. She knew that she was going to be dead in a matter of months. I can't imagine having that feeling... knowing that my children were going to grow up without me... knowing that they were not going to remember me... knowing that I would never see them graduate college, get married, or have children. She said that she just made the most of every moment with her children and soaked them in as much as possible. But, the grim reality is that there were never going to be enough moments to make leaving them o.k. with her. So, this is probably why I seem to pay attention more to my health and ailments. I know that the chances of me dying at an early age are pretty low, but the lady I saw in that show probably thought the same thing.

My "fat sack"

Well, I ended up going to the doctor yesterday for my "fat sack"... and as I feared, he told me that it was just a sack of fat. The doctor was very careful in telling me this. He said, "This is just your normal anatomy... what you are feeling is just normal bone structure." I said, "But, nobody else I know has this swollen area there." And I could tell that he was hesitant to say what he said next, "I am not saying that you are fat, but this just happens to be a spot on your body where you have a tendency to store fat." I guess it could be worse. I could have a "fat sack" on my neck or somewhere else visible to the world. And the lower back pain he attributed to carrying around my 30 lb. child. DUH.

I blame this all on Danyel. I have had this "fat sack" (as we have termed it) for as long as I can remember and have never thought anything about it, but he freaked me out about it by pointing it out and saying that it looked more swollen than usual. Then, I started to worry that maybe it wasn't normal and that it could be a cyst or tumor that was getting larger. But, instead, it turns out that I am just getting fatter. Again, DUH.

Saturday in Galveston...

Naked Boy

The massacre

Today, on a whim, I decided to cut Carsten's hair. Danyel has some electric trimmers with all sorts of hair cutting attachments. I briefly looked over the directions and felt like I had a good handle on the basics. So, I fired up the trimmer and went to town. Oh, the horror. When I was done, it looked like a 3 year old had done the job. There were long patches and short patches scattered all over his little head. So, I had to use the shears to try and even it out. As I worked, Carsten sat in front of the mirror smiling at himself. He seemed to be very pleased with my botch job. (Although he does look a little perturbed at me in the attached picture...) Good thing he has a sense of humor. Anyways, I did the best I could to fix it. Danyel thinks I did an o.k. job. I think he just hasn't looked close enough. We have termed it his "Caesar" cut.

Back fat or tumor?

Today as I was undressing to shower, Danyel pointed out this round swollen area above my tailbone on my lower back. He asked if I had bruised myself or something. I looked in the mirror and noticed that it did look a little odd. I felt around it for swelling or a lump or something, but it just felt... fatty... like a hunk of back fat. I had never noticed this before! I have back fat! When did this happen??! While checking out my posterior I also noticed a new crop of stretch marks on my thighs. But, that is besides the point. So, anyways, Danyel insists that I must have bumped myself or something. I have been having a lot of lower back pain lately. There is no bruise or anything... just a perfectly round plump area. Maybe I should see a doctor, or maybe I should just accept the fact that I have back fat. How embarrassing would that be to have a doctor tell me, "No, that is no tumor, that is just back fat"???!!

Tonight after dinner I was telling Pookie how a brownie with some ice cream would be really good for dessert... he said, "Don't you think you should lay off the sweets - being that you got that fat sack on your back and all?" Maybe he has a point...

The shirt

Danyel has had this t-shirt since his he was in high school when he worked at a movie theater. He still wears it around the house... a lot. It is so child molester-ish. What I wouldn't give to rid our lives of this God awful shirt...

The eating machine

I wrote a couple of weeks ago about Carsten's bad eating habits (see "My biggest fault as a mother" posted on March 7th).

Well, I am happy to report that Carsten is now feeding himself almost entirely and eating like a maniac. The same day I made that post, I gave up trying to feed him and pretty much just left him to his own devices. I expected a few days or even weeks of starvation, but to my surprise, he dove right in. It turns out, he just wanted to do it himself all along, but was probably frustrated by my constant control over the situation. Come to find out, my son has issues with control. Like mother like son. Anyways, he seems to have learned to enjoy eating for the first time in his life... and boy, can this kid eat! He eats a big breakfast and dinner. At lunch, he pretty much just snacks, which the first few days was a little unsettling for me. But, I decided to trust his hunger cues and just went with it. He more than makes up for lunch with dinner. For example, last night we went out to eat and I ordered him a half order of ravioli. He ate the entire plate, plus a fruit cup that I had brought, a good portion of my Tirimisu for dessert, and snacked on a little bread and chick peas from my salad before the meal. What 14 month old eats Tirimisu and chick peas??! Mine does and pretty much whatever else that I give him. What a relief! I can now call my son a good eater! Meals together have become much less stressful and enjoyable again. What a relief!!!

(As a side note, the dirty diapers have reached a whole new level of stank.)

My name is Cara and I am a celebrity gossip addict...

Yes, it is true. Lately, my 'habit' has gotten out of control. I spend way too much time online surfing through numerous celebrity gossip blogs and websites. I check them multiple times per day fiending for some new gossip. I get really excited when I go to the grocery store and there is the new weekly edition of "In Touch" or "Us Weekly" on the shelf. It is pathetic. Hollywood socialites' lives have just gotten so crazy and unbelievable lately. Every day they are doing something so incredibly... insane. I guess it is the same draw that reality TV shows possess. Anyways, I am in way too deep, so I have decided to quit cold turkey. No more gossip. The withdrawal is going to be bad, but perhaps I can substitute the addiction with something far less consuming... say, like crack or crystal meth.

Can someone please just let me know when TomKat finally does deliver their alien baby and if it really turns out that Britney is pregnant again? It would be much appreciated...

Clean Carpet!

Yesterday we had our carpet cleaned and it practically looks brand new! I am amazed what a difference a good cleaning makes. The carpet has been badly abused over the last year and a half... there is no telling how many times Carsten puked on it back during his Acid Reflux days or how many times Gypsy has puked on it from her constant overeating.

So, if you are in the market for a good carpet cleaning service, let me know! (Whatever you do, do not hire Kiwi carpet cleaners, but that is a whole other story...) The guys I used were awesome! They did a really thorough job and were here for 2 1/2 hours cleaning. I was very impressed.

Yes, it is the simple things in life that bring me the greatest joy... :-)

March's full moon, Tuesday the 14th... (The zoom on my camera rocks!!)

Perhaps this is why I had an incredibly difficult day on Tuesday...

How am I supposed to blog under these conditions?

Particularly difficult

I can't pronounce the word "particularly". When I say it, it sounds something like "particular-lar-ly". You would think that I would just eliminate the word from my vocab, but instead I seem to use it constantly. As it awkwardly rolls off of my tongue during conversation, I know that the person that I am talking to probably starts to think a little less of my intelligence level.

Last night, while talking to Danyel, I stumbled upon the word. I complained to him about not being able to pronounce it. He started to say it as if he was going to show off his skill with the word, but to his surprise his pronunciation of it was no better than mine. We both sounded like a bunch of idiots. After we practiced (and chuckled about it) for a few minutes, we mastered the pronunciation.

I learned three lessons from this experience:

1.) Even smart people look stupid sometimes.
2.) My husband is as much as an illiterate as I am.
2.) Practice makes perfect.

Happy Friday!

Carsten enjoys an enthralling episode of the "Wonder Pets"...

BTW, the duckling's name on the screen is "Ming-Ming" just in case you were wondering. :-)

Carsten knows Bush's baked beans secret... but, he ain't tellin' either!

Super Dad

Danyel was Super Dad this weekend! Not that he isn't always a loving and involved father, but he was in rare form this weekend! Saturday night when we babysat, he pretty much took on most of the responsibility for James... giving him his bottle, feeding him, diapering him, etc. Then, that night, he bathed Carsten, and then gave him his bottle and put him to bed. Then, Carsten woke up at 5:15 Sunday morning and Danyel got up with him and let me sleep to 8am. When I got up he had already given him his breakfast and had unloaded and loaded the dishwasher. Now, granted, Carsten was wearing his winter fleece boots (Danyel was worried his feet were cold) and he had given him corn with his breakfast, but whatever. So, he does things a little different than I would. :-)

Most importantly, he did all this on his own accord.

Thanks Pookie! Carsten and I are the luckiest peeps in the whole wide world!

Living in the moment...

This morning after I changed Carsten's diaper before his nap, I told him that it was time to go "night-night". He grabbed me, hugged me, and laid his head on my shoulder. I sat there holding him for a few minutes and he just stayed there real still cuddling me, so I stood up and sat down in the rocking chair with him and rocked. He never let go of me for even a second. Actually, he clung harder to me as I moved from the floor to the rocking chair. After a few minutes, he feel asleep on my shoulder. When I stood up to put him in his crib, he clung to me even harder... in his sleep. I had to pry him off of me in order to lay him down. I loved every second of it!

Usually, I just lay him down in his crib for his nap, and he just rolls over and goes to sleep. It's been a long time since I rocked him to sleep. It's funny, because when I did have to rock him to sleep as an infant, I was desperately wanting him to learn to go to sleep on his own. Now that he does, I love rare moments like these when he needs me. He is such an independent and head strong child, that I know as he gets older, these moments are going to get rarer. This morning, as I sat there and rocked him, I closed my eyes, and just enjoyed every second of it. I concentrated on taking it all in so that I could remember it... the way he felt against me, the way he smelled, and the way he clung to me for dear life. It won't be long before I will have to beg him to even hug me!

It's funny because he has been doing this clingy thing for a few weeks now. He wants to be held more and cuddled more. I guess this is his mild version of separation anxiety, which I've read usually starts to peak between now and 18 months. I hear other parents of young toddlers complaining about the clinginess and neediness. Not me. Carsten was born into this world raring to go making little time for cuddles and hugs. So, I am LOVING this "phase". I hope that it lasts for a good while. :-)

Carsten helps Daddy wash the cars...

AS YOU CAN SEE, HE HAD A FASCINATION WITH THE BUBBLES & THE BUCKET!

Carsten and James playing

Last night we babysat for some friends of ours. James is 9 months old and such a delight. He has such a gentle and laid back disposition. When I used to babysit him on Tuesdays, we called him "Sweet Baby James" because he was just so, well, sweet! But, as you can see, he has outgrown that nickname... he is now a big boy! Him and Carsten played well together. Carsten was showing off for his friend quite a bit. At one point, I think he got a tad bit jealous... I was playing with James and Carsten came and sat down on my lap as if he was staking claim to me.

James has always been smitten with Danyel, which I just think is so endearing. Every time Danyel would leave the room last night, James would start to cry. So, Danyel spent the evening close by... giving him his bottle, feeding him, and changing his diapers. I told him he had earned his babysitters patch. :-)

Carsten enjoying an afternoon stroll in his Radio Flyer...

Downstairs living area remodel

Here are some pics of the living room & dining room with with the new floors. We moved things around a bit as well. Of course, the inspiration behind all of this change was none other than Danyel's new toy... his 50" HDTV.

As you can see, Kiki is enjoying the new floors also... :-)

Pick-up-sticks

Today as I showered and dressed, Carsten entertained himself with a good old fashioned game of pick-up-sticks... with a new twist. I provided him with toys to play with, but this is what kept him occupied for a good 30 minutes. I actually had to tear him away from his new found toys. He took them out of the box, put them back in the box, and then did it over...and over...and over. Right before I snapped this picture, he was waving the tampons in the air and squealing with delight as if he had just discovered gold. To my amazement, he never tried to eat them or flush them down the toilet.

This is going to be perfect blackmail material in about 14 years... Good stuff. :-)

Carsten understands the importance of good oral hygeine...

Carsten loves his toothbrush and toothpaste! This morning he was carrying them both around. At one point, he was touching the toothpaste tube to the toothbrush as if he was putting toothpaste on the brush.

He used to be very good at letting me brush his teeth, but now he insists on doing it himself. He pretty much just uses the toothbrush as a chew toy after he eagerly eats the toothpaste off of it. I try to instruct him in proper brushing technique, but it is like trying to give directions to Kiki. :-)

My biggest fault as a mother...

Hi, my name is Cara and I am a neurotic & controlling mother. There I said it. It's true. I want so badly to be a relaxed and calm mother, but it is a daily struggle for me. As Carsten gets older and more independent (definition: stubborn), I feel more and more out of control. What's worse is that I believe his temperament is a carbon copy of my own. This makes for a lot of battles between the two of us. I have been labeled a "control freak" for the better part of my adulthood. With toddlers, especially a very active and head strong one, I am completely out of my comfort zone.

The thing that I have the hardest time dealing with is his eating habits... or lack their of. His only habit is to abstain from eating or to at least die trying. Meals are very unenjoyable in our house because I am busy distracting, begging, & pleading Carsten to eat. If I put food on his tray, he may take 3 or 4 bites and fuss to get down - on a good day. If I feed him with a spoon, he starts to fuss as soon as he sees the spoon coming at him... I have to distract him by letting him play with toys. This is the only way he will open his mouth. Frequently, the meal ends with both of us in tears. People on the "outside" ask why I don't just respect his wishes and not force him. "They" say that he will not starve, he will eventually eat. I CAN NOT DO THIS. I just can't relax about it and trust that my 13 1/2 month old will do what is best for himself. Can't do it. Sure, it sounds easy. Just read his cues and respect his decision to either eat or not. This is what all the books say to do... "If you force them, you will create a monster", "Respect their hunger cues", etc. Duh - common sense. So, why don't I do that? If I just let Carsten make his own decisions - whether he eats or not - the first few days or weeks he may eat next to nothing and be very cranky, but in the long run, he will adapt. He will figure out that when he gets hungry, he should eat. Right? (Seriously, if any of you have any advice on this issue, please feel free to offer it in the comments section!)

It's not just the eating... it's much more. I get frustrated so easily with him. When I tell him a million times not to do something, and he does it over and over... with a smile. Drives me nuts. When I want him to sit still... for just a second... and he won't. When I am trying to read to him and he pushes his way out of my lap... I can't stand it. I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER HIM. My common sense tells me, "He's a boy... he's a toddler... his behavior is completely normal! Chill out!"

I guess my control issues stem from the fact that I am fearful. I am fearful of not doing something right. If I don't force him to eat, I am afraid of him being cranky, losing weight, and starving. If I don't set enough boundaries, I am afraid that he will become an unruly child. I am afraid everyday that I am going to do something wrong that will alter him as a person for the wrong. Everyday. The first two years of a child's life are the most formative. I only have 10 more months to form him. OMG.

The bottom line here is that I need to learn to relax. Just relax. It is a struggle for me everyday. I can get wound up pretty tight, pretty quickly. I am willing to bet that later in life I will inherit my father's high blood pressure. I am well on my way, if I don't learn how to CALM DOWN! This is the best thing that I can do for Carsten, myself, and Danyel. I love my son more than words could ever express. If I just let him know that everyday, I can't go wrong, right?

Our early riser

For the last couple of weeks, Carsten has been getting up in the morning anywhere between 5:45 and 6:15am... a.k.a the butt-ass-crack-of-dawn. Before this shift in schedule, he usually woke up around 7:30, which was perfect... to bed at 8:30 and up at 7:30. We had it made. Now, he is ready for bed at 7:30, which means we are rushed trough our nightly routine... dinner, bath, bottle, & bed. I've tried putting him to bed later in hopes that he will sleep later, but as every experienced mom knows, this doesn't work with children. They get up at the same time and are crankier because of the loss of sleep.

Danyel and I do not do early mornings. If we have to get up any earlier than 7am, we are ruined for the day. The other day, Danyel attended a regional meeting for work. Another broker told him that he looked tired. He had black circles under his eyes. We have had to resort to going to bed at 9pm in order to be half alive when the chatter box goes off in the early morn.

We have been taking turns getting up with Carsten. This morning was my turn. Carsten didn't give me a break... he woke up at 5:45. It was still dark when I got up. Getting up at this time of morning with a toddler who is on fire and full of all this pent up energy from being still and asleep for 11 hours straight is enough to send me over the edge. As I was trying to wake up slowly and peacefully, Carsten was frantically chasing Kiki all over the house in hopes of catching him... or torturing him... one of the two. Kiki was crying out for his life and Carsten was laughing hysterically. This went on for 20 minutes. I don't know who was in more turmoil, me or Kiki. I know, I know, we shouldn't complain... many parents would kill for a baby that sleeps 11 hours straight. But, Carsten has spoiled us by having such a great sleeping schedule for a long time now. Hopefully, this shift is temporary. Or else, we are screwed. Very screwed.