I am not a hypochondriac... I swear.

Those of you who read this blog, have probably made the assumption by now that I am a bit of a hypochondriac. I swear that I am not... or at least didn't use to be. I have always been exceptionally healthy... not getting sick that often and never suffering any major ailments. But, since Carsten was born, my body has just been destroyed. I seem to have suffered from the strangest ailments since giving birth... my restless left leg, tingling/numbness in my middle back, kidney infection, IBS, hemorrhoids, constant lower back pain, lump in my throat feeling (don't even ask), etc. I am thankful, however, that these are minor in the scheme of ailments. Some of these problems have come and gone and some still plague me. Then, there is of course the droopy boobs, stretch marks, cellulite, and larger hips that I owe to my beloved son. I am so scared to find out what the next child will bring...

Another reason for my perceived hypochondria is this new found fear of death that I have acquired since having Carsten. Before having a child, death wasn't so scary. If I died, people would mourn and be upset, but there was nobody that was dependent upon me... nobody who's life would be dramatically altered if I wasn't around. I saw this show recently where this woman was dying of cancer and she had a newborn and a 5 year old. She knew that she was going to be dead in a matter of months. I can't imagine having that feeling... knowing that my children were going to grow up without me... knowing that they were not going to remember me... knowing that I would never see them graduate college, get married, or have children. She said that she just made the most of every moment with her children and soaked them in as much as possible. But, the grim reality is that there were never going to be enough moments to make leaving them o.k. with her. So, this is probably why I seem to pay attention more to my health and ailments. I know that the chances of me dying at an early age are pretty low, but the lady I saw in that show probably thought the same thing.