Since Becoming a Mom...

Since becoming a Mom, I finally understand a mother's love. For your whole life, you always know that your mother loves you, but you really never know how much until you have your own children. You all the sudden have all this insight into your own parent's actions during your childhood. You know that at the core of every parenting decision and action that they made was all because they loved you... more than you could ever know at the time.

Since becoming a Mom, I know that parent's make a lot of mistakes and they know it! They will never admit to them because that would be unparent like. As a mom, I am scared all the time about making mistakes with Carsten. And, in his short life, I have already made plenty! Your whole childhood, you were sure that your parents thought that they were always right and it bugged the crap out of you as a kid. But really, they were just doing the best that they could and fumbling through a lot of it scared that they were going to screw you up. The kind of adult that Carsten becomes, depends a lot on how Danyel and I raise him. That scares the hell out of me. This responsibility is something I never really thought much about when we decided to have kids, but it is something I think everyday about now.

Since becoming a Mom, I have more compassion. When I hear of a child being murdered, I know that there is a Mom out there that will never be healed from that pain. When I hear of a child becoming seriously ill or diabled, I can't even begin to understand where that child's mother draws her strength from. Not that I wasn't compassionate before to these events, but they just register with me on a much deeper level now.

Since becoming a Mom, I have a hard time putting into words how much in love with Carsten that I am. It's a love that you will never know or even begin to fathom until you become a parent. It's a love that is almost unhealthy. I would give my life in a second for him without even thinking about it. His needs always come before mine. That level of unselfishness is something I never knew I could attain. At least once a day, I share some type of interaction or moment with him that brings tears to my eyes. I feel like the luckiest lady on the planet to have been blessed with this PERFECT person.

Since becoming a Mom, I hope that Carsten never knows just how much I love him while growing up. This could be very dangerous. If our kids knew the extent of our love for them, they could really take advantage of us - especially in those devilish teenage years! But, I look forward to the day when he becomes a father and finally knows what it is like to love with his whole being.